We may not be in the same league as the indigenous peoples of North America when talking about snow, or those of the Middle East about sand.
But depending on which regional dialect you zoom in on, you may find as many as 30 synonyms for mud in the various tongues of the British Isles.
Clag, clart, gunk, mire, ooze – call it what you will, it seems we are notorious global experts on it. And we’re looking at the full glorious spectrum of it today, in an old Rutland limestone quarry criss-crossed with tracks and paths.
This is exactly the kind of place we need to be to settle a question posed by the arrival of the new, J250-generation Toyota Land Cruiser.
Here and now, which is the best, toughest and most capable road-legal, dual-purpose off-roading 4x4 on sale?
It will take plenty of climbing, descending, articulating, crawling, fording, squelching and squeezing to know. In the way of the new Toyota stands some very serious opposition.
The Ineos Grenadier and Land Rover Defender are cars whose stories are irrevocably intertwined. The first is close enough in design and concept to the original Series Land Rover as to feel almost like an unsanctioned restomod.
The second is the long-awaited official sequel model similar in spirit but altered in execution – much to the apparent approval of the SUV-buying public.
The Grenadier – with its ladder frame, rigid beam axles, recirculating ball steering and three locking mechanical differentials – could be called studiously traditional.
The Defender – with its monocoque chassis and independent suspension, actively managed air springs, ‘intelligent’ driveline (itself with two active locking diffs) and myriad Terrain Response off-road driving modes – is fully committed to the technological avant garde.
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